Part 2

What didn’t work

     Like I said before out of the past four years we have tried to have a biological child for three of those years. That means that for a year we tried on our own and for two years we chose to try fertility. We found that process to be an extremely frustrating one.  We were recommended to a specialist outside of town, about an hour and a half away. There were daily shots and, after our first procedure I was on the couch in pain for a week. This was not normal. When I finally called for the results I was told I wasn't pregnant and it was “a bummer”. Me not being pregnant was way more than “a bummer” in my eyes.

     We decided to try a fertility doctor in town.  I at least felt comfortable there. I had a surgery and several procedures, but nothing really seemed to work. Along the way I cried when I found out my friends were pregnant.  It seemed everyone around me was getting pregnant by just looking at each other. Not that I wasn't happy for them, but because I wanted it for me too. I'm so grateful that I didn't have to live with myself at this time because if the roles were reversed I would have strangled myself. Thank goodness my husband has tons of patience. 

     Anyway after a couple more procedures my husband and I decided it was just too stressful and it was too much.  We came to the realization that we were not doing, as we wanted to and just giving it to God.  We still had the control.  We decided going into the last procedure that it would be the last one. 

     I think that fertility treatments are here for a reason, and many people have been able to start wonderful families because of the aid of the doctors.  I would never judge anyone because they did or didn’t choose this option.  It is part of our story that helped us arrive at this point. We sought the advice of our families and our priest before we began this process, and maybe if we would have had different results I would feel differently, but looking back that was my lowest time.  I was stressed, frustrated, and a nervous wreck.  I think a lot of that was because I was still taking control.  I still needed to let go even more.  Our next decision just appeared in front of us.  It made the choice easier.