Part 3

Why we chose a special kind of adoption?

    

     So, we were committed to giving it all to Him.  That is easier said than done by the way. We began to look into the foster to adopt program in our state. We had mutual friends that were in the program and had just adopted a beautiful baby boy. We reached out to them and they were so warm and welcoming. After meeting with them for dinner one night (they answered every last one of our millions of questions) we felt that we were sure it was want we should do.

     We went to an initial class and gathered information. Our classes began in the spring of 2010.  We sat each day, all day, for 6 Saturdays in our required classes. We heard the some awful stories and I relived my college education classes as we went through Maslow's hierarchy and behavior management skills.  Actually, after the first class I was in tears again because I just wasn’t sure this program was for us.  They share the worst of the worst.  But, even after all of that we still wanted to become foster parents.

     We trudged thru and finished our classes. Our home study was completed and we waited, as of course the state will do, to loose our paperwork.  Yes, God has a sense of humor.  At this point He was helping me to release my control and gain patience.

     Once the paperwork was located we were approved to be foster parents the day before Thanksgiving. We realized a call could come anytime. Six days later I was on the phone with my friend that also fostered (we were talking about her helping me put a list of questions together for when we did get a call). I had just pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot to buy gifts for our class angel tree child when I got another call. The phone call was about a three month old little girl who was in need of urgent emergency custody (keep in mind we listed Anthony’s number as the contact person because I can’t even say no to a stray dog). I got a few details and then called Anthony to let him take over.  My mind was spinning!  We did decide to say yes to our first placement that night. Finally, at 10 o'clock at night we got them all. I was so glad that while that Wal-Mart I had prepared and loaded up on all items girly and baby. My friends had met me there to show support and to help us out. 

     We went and picked up the little girl from a local facility and spent the rest of that night at the hospital having her checked out to be sure everything was okay. We called her Miss L.  This placement was a challenge because of the nature of it. It was extremely difficult because it always seemed to be present and ever changing.  It was a very unusual case and your first instinct is to protect the child. It was a blessing to have a baby in over the holidays and we loved every minute of being new parents.  Even the confusion between nights and days. 

     We had our first placement for three months. Miss L left went to live permanently with her great aunt and uncle in a city nearby.  They seemed to be good people, but even so we were devastated at it. Of course there were more tears and more sadness.  There was a hole left.

     The one thing about fostering is you never know what will happen. I am often asked, “How do you do it, you never know if you can keep them”. I respond with this: Do you ever know what will happen with your biological children?  Do you know if you will have them until the day you die?  I don’t mean to be harsh; I just don’t think people realize that my situation isn’t different from theirs.  I just have to be more aware because it is ever present.  

     We lost Miss L in February just before Valentine's Day. On March 24 we got another call for a placement and this time and we said yes again. It was a little boy and he was six days old.  We call him Little Man.  I made a Walmart run on the way home from work that day, and to bide our time we went out to dinner. We picked him up at the hospital that night at 7:00. I remember being in awe at how alert he was.  He looked right at us.  He slept through the night that first night (and every one since).  We decided to call each other Bald Guy and Nice Lady to him.  We couldn’t jump straight into Mommy and Daddy this time around.  We tried to keep a little distance.  The distance didn’t last long.  That sweet face will melt your heart. 

     As I write this Little Man is six months old. He has been with us since six days and we pray each day that he will continue to stay with us. We are hopeful for adoption very soon and for now things seem to be looking good.  The goals have actually been switched to adoption recently.  I don’t want to talk about many of the details of his case.  That is his story and while it interlinks with ours it isn’t something I will share here.   

     We chose fostering because we wanted to help children. We also want to start our family. This can sometimes work against us with the state and some social workers (they tell you from the beginning- you are the babysitter- the goal is reunification). But along the way they have seemed to at least respect our feelings and be understanding. Like I said we are prayerful that Little Man will be our son on paper one day, he is our son in our hearts right now and always will be.

     It has taken many years, many disappointments and many trials to get to where we are now, but I feel that without those trials and disappointments they would not have my Little Man today, or my time with Miss L. I couldn't imagine Little Man with another family. He fits so perfectly.

     Fostering is not perfect, and it's not for everybody but in the end I would do it all over again.  Can you show me a perfect pregnancy, or a perfect private adoption? There are so many children in our country that need help and they beg for foster parents. Plus, I tease my friends I'll never have to worry about losing the pregnancy weight, and I will still have a sweet baby in the end.  All that and I learned to have patience and give it up to God.  I may be a slow learner, but I’m getting there.  I can’t wait to teach these lessons to my kids.